a year ago i would of never expected this. i’ve been losing everyone. they say it’s always the darkest before the dawn but it’s been just a endless pitch black tunnel this year. i feel like i’m completely lost in a cave unable to escape. what did i do to deserve this. i don’t remember the last time i truly laughed wholeheartedly with someone i love and trust. and if this is just the beginning, i really don’t know what i’m going to do anymore. when am i going to see a faint light, a new path? i’m so scared because i don’t know. everything has been leading to a downhill hole. my grades, my friends, myself. i thought i carried myself well enough to be in control of something, anything but it’s empty. i’m so tired. and to think it’s only been 17 years, how pitiful that sounds. how pitiful. i have no one to talk to because none of which relate to me in any way. they’re all moving along their path and i’m not going to drag them down with me. i have no one.
When our breasts arrivedMegan Falley, “Beginning in an Ice Cream Truck and Ending in a Court Room (After Kim Addonizio)” (via oofpoetry)
as a kind of currency, we’d tug
our camisoles low, use
our newfangled bodies to haggle
with the ice cream man. The winner
was the girl who received her chocolate cone
for free, who sucked on candy cigarettes
the same way she wore a training bra.
That summer my pockets grew forests
of hand-tied maraschino cherry stems:
tampered evidence that I might one day be worthy
of kissing. In exchange for rides
on the handlebars of their bikes,
we’d let the boys bite
the beads off our candy
necklaces until the chokers
resembled punched out teeth.
From their slobber, blue and violet
stained my throat where the sweetness
had once been, so I suppose,
Your Honor, I was preparing
i never knew how someone who once meant so little to me would have contributed such an impact in my life in such a short period of time. i wish i was just as heartless as you